Guess what. This is D-day. The day that all people were afraid of, no one wants it, no one ever dare to think of it. But some people were lucky (unlucky) to get chosen for this. Sigh. .. 😢😢😢😢😢😢
It's the first day of my chemotherapy treatment. WHY??? Why do i have to do this? Hurm, bad luck i guess.
I never thought this day would come. Nor even when i was bedridden after the operation to deliver my tumor, i was still be able to laugh off it. Even when i am well aware of it, i never put it in my mind and continue to live like normal. I never think too much. I even went to see BIG BANG MADE TOUR live in Malaysia exactly 1 month after surgery. ( crazy isn't it? ) but i did it anyway. I flew from kucing to KL just to see the boys. (Proud VIP at heart💝💝💝).
Only yesterday, reality finally hit me. I am going to undergone Chemotherapy today. And I'm going to lose all my hair, which is not actually a bad things. I mean, so long that i have wig, i can still feel fine. Plus, i don't have to shave my legs & armpit anymore, at least for this period of time. And i get a chance to life weight without trying hard, sounds fair enough. I got nothing to lose, & i won't let myself lose anything anymore. I lose my organ in the process, i lose some cells as well, but i can't just spend my time crying. Why waste time do that? It's not the end of the world. I still got lots of things to do that i haven't achieved. My career, my travel wishlist. I want to do it all. Maybe it's a good time for me to think what i want to do in the future. Maybe i can try to be composer or lyricist? 😄
But on theorder note, of course i can't enjoy the food that i like, sushi, beef, lamb, etc and can't drink coffee anymore. Durian cheese cake, it is a bit frustrating when it comes to food. There are just things that i have to avoid in order to not feel the pain. I tried to drink coffee once, and i definitely don't like the feeling after. It was mild but definitely make me feel like i won't do it again.
I hope i can get through this without difficulty. I know I'm not superhuman, but i just want to get through this. I'm only 26, and I'm not even celebrating my 26th birthday yet. There's a lot of thing to be done. I thought by 30 i can set up my own company or i can go to oversea, to work & play. Why is this things suddenly blocking my way.
Well then, I'm gonna stop now. I'm gonna write again on my next session of chemo. I hope i can continue to write until the end, until this things shrink and disappear from me forever.
Bye, for now. 🙅🙆🙅🙆
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